The pain of 'What if'

do you ever ask yourself what if?
like what if that girl said yes
so instead of your heart sinking, it beats out of your chest
my mind, runs endless with no rest
completing mental marathons with numb legs
chasing, but never leading
because this moment is fleeting and with hope depleting
only a miracle can stop this wound from bleeding
the wound of what if
you see; reality may suck, but it's the unknown that really stings
the things you can't control
that sunday stroll where the goal became running away
sometimes we have a thousand things to say
other times we're speechless
a lost for words when we're trying to impress
can we address the issue or just continue to hide in secrecy
they say read between the lines but I got a different key
We don't see the same things, and that makes me want to cry
because no matter how hard I try, the words are foreign
because I'm torn and I can't find the first aid kit
I'm tired of this shit and I just want an answer
I swear to god these what ifs are eating me alive like cancer!

all great things must come to a close

At the beginning of last summer I took a job offer.  This job offer led me to explore a whole new world.  Or at least opened my eyes to the other side of the one we reside in.  Oh the joys of banking! Anyways, I've had a wonderful time overall but i seem to be getting more emotional as my last day comes ever closer.  Like any job, it’s been an interesting mix of good and bad.  I’ve met so many cool people while simultaneously meeting people that I could forget ever existed.  Sometimes I have to wonder how people can think a certain way.  But anyways, there have been a lot of positives that have stemmed from this little experiment of mine.  I was able to gain a lot of communication skills that I once did not possess.  I became more comfortable with myself as I gave countless presentations to the youth.  I did any and everything in my power to be the best me.  Well at least in the eyes of the customers.  You learn to put on a fake smile in customer service.  You learn to express feelings that aren’t there.  I believe those who work with people, become great actors and actresses.  They do it all.  And so when someone leaves a job, no matter the reason they are overwhelmed with emotions because as soon as you change jobs you begin a new chapter.  You see all new faces, all new problems and complaints.  You see the good and the bad and you power through your day like it doesn’t faze you.  And so with this in mind I bid this chapter goodbye in return for a new one.  Now whether it is better or not is still up in the air.  Only time will tell J