Monday, October 7, 2013

can I change life?

Poetic words come across my brain
I refrain from speaking, I bite my tongue
Knowing full well I will never be this young again
The words never leave the ink stained paper hidden in a notebook
Dear diary, I have feeling that are not reciprocated
I am not hated, but not loved either
Not at least in the ways to fight loneliness
I fight, but it’s not much of struggle
It feels like I need to juggle my priorities but I couldn’t find them
I self medicate with drugs and alcohol
Only to recall my binges through friends the next afternoon when I awake
I quake at the idea of failure but death doesn’t get a second look
The sanity it took to stay has since left but I can’t find my way out
I’m trapped in a maze and I still can’t find the cheese
I wonder if it’s actually there
I wonder if it’s moldy since I’ve been alive 18 years
Cheers to life, may we make it strange
Arrange events that take the hearts of the innocent
We must protect them so they don’t ever learn the pain
I know it sounds insane but when I saw you in the rain I wanted to move
But I couldn’t break out of my shell
I know hell is in my future but I refuse to let it change my actions
Some people just lose
Maybe we all lose in the end
Maybe we live in a world of pretend
Life can be anything that we intend
Just be careful of the messages you send

Sunday, October 6, 2013

i guess some explaining is in order

I guess some explaining is order. I am a broke college student, and a lazy one at that.  I can make no promises on content.  The fact that I sometimes remember this blog and forget a lot is strange to begin with.  I don't have a known idea of my future.  This blog is to capture my college experience.  Some posts will be poetry, other will be stories.  Let the fun begin :)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

A thousand voices by Cody Myers

Ever since I was a little kid
My grandparents would compliment my imagination
I would go on tangents telling stories on a whim that made no sense
Even now I have no idea what I was talking about
But it didn’t matter, I just said the first words that came out of my mouth
As I grew up I began to notice something… Strange
No matter what I did I never seemed to really live
The first time I performed a poem I was 15
That day I had never felt so alive in my life
And I knew… That meant something
The words I wrote came straight from the heart
From a chorus of a thousand voices telling me exactly what to say
Until that day I didn’t know what really made me tic
That day I learned I was a broken clock who was numb until I was wound up
Every time I went to write was I started to work
I am a stationary being who only moves when I have a movement behind me
I find that my best moments are not my accomplishments on paper
But rather the people my ink on paper has changed
I live to please, that’s what I always tell people
My mind both push me to suicide and pulled me away
Because now adays for every one sad voice in my head
I have a thousand drowning them out
But it’s not always that way
Those rhymes that people say don’t hide the mental bruises that actually occur
Years of unseen mental abuse leads me to question ever but about me
So excuse me if I don’t give a shit when I complement you
Excuse me if I think I could blindly run into a city and get that same complement from a thousand other people! Even if it means getting hit by a few cars in the process
I don’t sleep because there are a thousand voices giving me doubt
I don’t sleep because they tell me the wonderful things I dream of doing
And I fade away to dreams only to live them all with an audience in my head
I may go no where, hell no one may ever read this
But if I can just change one persons bad judgement
Then I’ve done something right

Friday, September 13, 2013

Fairy Tales by Cody Myers

We are two independent beings
We have lives that are great
Isn’t that how the story goes?
Prince meets princess by fate
Hook up right away like it was meant to be
Well Atlantis has washed up like Disney channel shows
Fairy tales are meant to stay the way
Because if that how every story went then nobody would have anything to say
 We would have no reason to live
And it would lead to late night Netflix sessions with popcorn drenched in self-loathing
Locked in thought that I could change everything with a change of clothing
That is not what my life is meant to be like
Nor is yours
Everyone can be unique
Fuck anyone that thinks you HAVE to be a certain way
That if you wear this and walk this way than you can never find love
They shove that bullshit down our throats, and you know what that’s called?
Bullying, nothing more then the rudimentary struggles of our younger selves coming back to haunt us
We’re all possessed and tainted spirits but no one has the precision for an exorcism
Every stich scar and bruise has a story so if you don’t like stories than you don’t want someone who lived
God’s a bully, but we accept it
I say reject it, if your happiness comes from within or something more real than a fairy tale then for fucks sakes tell him off like your middle school bully at your first high school reunion
we are the class of fuck off
the generation that has the chance to change what we look at as people
beauty isn’t just skin deep, but if it is our lives stop half way if we’re lucky and we walk around treated like a zombie, treated like I was infected
I have lived my life believing that I was not good enough
That if only I had gotten lucky in a genetic lottery
And despite a loving family with good values, those traits are void
So excuse me if I get annoyed when some schmuck whose had everything in life handed tell you you’re not beautiful
Just because you weren’t born the way they wanted
Tell them that’s what fairy tales are for

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

i don't know

As I sit here thinking about what to write I come to a conclusion.  The conclusion is this, i don't know.  This biggest thing I've learned recently is that saying I don't know is a hell of a lot better than convincing myself what the fuck I'm doing.  I'll be honest, I don't .  I make silly videos on the internet and work 40 hours a week when I'm not in school.  I head off to college in the fall and that'll just throw a lovely wrench into anything I'm doing that I don't necessarily like and hopefully I'll do stuff I really enjoy, problem is, I don't know what that is.  

Monday, June 17, 2013

no sense, too tired

I like to write
Laziness wants to fight me
I say bite me or spite me but these words are my freedom
I have broken these chains, my pains are a part of me
so don't start with me on your idea of perfection
although tonight my brain isn't making connections
correction, they just aren't good
the idea that I should quit and call it a day
will people say that the way live is incorrect
I deflect possibility
for tranquility
I'd rather be happy than anything else
myself is who I am to please
I prove things to myself and that's what makes life a breeze 
this poem doesn't make sense
hence the lack of sense
wait that was redundant 
im underfunded because I'm broke and I struggle to write a good joke
but I will tell you sleeping is a piece of cake
which I'm about to do because I have a headache for fuck's sake

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Nothing to say but a love to write

What can I say? I love writing this blog, even when the only time I have to work on it is late at night like this. I feel like it may hurt the quality but overall writing is writing. I love working on this and I'm very happy that I get to practice what I enjoy