Monday, August 20, 2012

looking forward to tomorrow and the future

As I lay here in my bed contemplating possible futures, it struck me.  I have my senior pictures tomorrow.  It's kind of crazy to think that I've made it this far.  And no matter how much I complain about working all these hours, and how I hate so many people, I had fun.  I absolutely had fun.  This summer seems hollow with working a lot, never getting to hang out with the one person I wanted nothing more and yet plans fell through, and the stress.  oh let's not forget the stress.  In a few days i'll be back in school doing the same old same old.  Reunited with old friends and acquaintances but only for a short while.  only for one last year. Then we go our separate ways.  off to college, off to explore, off to find themselves.  I really do wish I could get more time to spend with these amazing people because it may very well be the last time I get that joy.  I'll try to hold onto a few, their names embedded into my brain already.  I will never forget them, at least not yet.  
Who knows if this year will bring me closer to the girl I want nothing but the best for.  Or even if i'll get those final memories with my childhood best friend. We all drift apart in time, but that doesn't mean it has to be immediate, nor does it have to be wanted.  things will always happen and I will always stand up for what I believe in, or who I believe in.  Even if they don't want me there, I will try because I don't want them to end up like me.  It's too much, too much pain, sorrow, and loneliness.  I will do anything to make them happy because maybe it'll cheer me up.  maybe I can right some wrongs of my past, or maybe just seeing them happy is enough.  enough to keep going, to keep fighting.  Until I'm not needed anymore. And that's the only thing I really know about my future.  I'll find the people that keep me going, that give me reason to be me.

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