i don't know

As I sit here thinking about what to write I come to a conclusion.  The conclusion is this, i don't know.  This biggest thing I've learned recently is that saying I don't know is a hell of a lot better than convincing myself what the fuck I'm doing.  I'll be honest, I don't .  I make silly videos on the internet and work 40 hours a week when I'm not in school.  I head off to college in the fall and that'll just throw a lovely wrench into anything I'm doing that I don't necessarily like and hopefully I'll do stuff I really enjoy, problem is, I don't know what that is.  

no sense, too tired

I like to write

Laziness wants to fight me

I say bite me or spite me but these words are my freedom

I have broken these chains, my pains are a part of me

so don't start with me on your idea of perfection

although tonight my brain isn't making connections

correction, they just aren't good

the idea that I should quit and call it a day

will people say that the way live is incorrect

I deflect possibility

for tranquility

I'd rather be happy than anything else

myself is who I am to please

I prove things to myself and that's what makes life a breeze 

this poem doesn't make sense

hence the lack of sense

wait that was redundant 

im underfunded because I'm broke and I struggle to write a good joke

but I will tell you sleeping is a piece of cake

which I'm about to do because I have a headache for fuck's sake

Nothing to say but a love to write

What can I say? I love writing this blog, even when the only time I have to work on it is late at night like this. I feel like it may hurt the quality but overall writing is writing. I love working on this and I'm very happy that I get to practice what I enjoy 

should I buy a drawing tablet?

Drawing tablets are essential for a number of jobs in communications, media, design, and animation.  If you're interested in any of those careers then a drawing tablet would be very beneficial.  Wacom Bamboo seems to be the only company out on the market that has really got design and mechanics down.  This is very easy to use and can help benefit your work tremendously.  I myself am trying to get into media, and marketing so this was very important for me to have.  I have begun designing t-shirts with my tablet.  My tablet is the larger of the two I listed below.  It honestly depends on personal preference to determine what size you buy but this is an absolute must for someone looking to make this their jobs or even just blow some time.  So in my opinion, if you have the money, go for it!

redundant video postification

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb3uXTyjCD0

okay, so this may seem redundent but I made a video saying I have this blog.  XD I am smart, i know right?

this seemed a lot funnier when I wrote this at 2 a.m.

you ever find yourself awake at night and you're like "awh shiiittt that's a great idea" then the next morning you're like "no, no it's not... the fuck?" anyways I digress but I haven't slept in two days FUCK SLEEP.  I don't mean actually fuck it, because that's like rape and shit but I mean like fuck it in a metaphorical sense, ya know?  I could use some sleep.  Sleep used to be my coke, before ya know coke.  Coke is a gateway beverage... oh shit I just realized that that could have been misinterpreted like bread to mean the drug.  drugz are bad kid, I better not catch you doin crystal meth because you're like "science bitch".  Nah I don't want to see any of that Walt and Jesse shit.  No meth labs for you! anyways, what was I saying? I can't remember.  But seriously always plan your shit out.  Don't be like me who needs to wake up in three hours to drive across the fucking state.  God I'm fucking stupid sometimes.  This is just like the time I tried to make spiderman give me a piggy back ride in time square.  Shit just wasn't clickin in mah brains.  I better get some z's before all the zebras in bikinis get them.  I wonder if anyone would ever try and fuck a zebra in a bikini.  Is that legal, like if it dresses like a person, eats like a person, and takes over the world like a person WHY CAN'T IT HAVE THE SAME FUCKING RIGHTS. I don't know man, some shit don't make sense.  Also yes, my mouth is this fucking bad, I don't have a problem.  okay off to bed to wake up to feeling this could have been a lot funnier.  PEACE OUT MOIST PEEPS!

The pain of 'What if'

do you ever ask yourself what if?
like what if that girl said yes
so instead of your heart sinking, it beats out of your chest
my mind, runs endless with no rest
completing mental marathons with numb legs
chasing, but never leading
because this moment is fleeting and with hope depleting
only a miracle can stop this wound from bleeding
the wound of what if
you see; reality may suck, but it's the unknown that really stings
the things you can't control
that sunday stroll where the goal became running away
sometimes we have a thousand things to say
other times we're speechless
a lost for words when we're trying to impress
can we address the issue or just continue to hide in secrecy
they say read between the lines but I got a different key
We don't see the same things, and that makes me want to cry
because no matter how hard I try, the words are foreign
because I'm torn and I can't find the first aid kit
I'm tired of this shit and I just want an answer
I swear to god these what ifs are eating me alive like cancer!

Starchild

The past four years have gone so fast
All the while thinking it’ll last
And now we’re at the end
no more playing pretend
no more dodging responsibilities
no more putting the future on hold
because it’s happening
so don’t live life in denial, clinging onto your youthful ignorance
I say embrace the choices you make and age in style
and whatever you do after you leave this place, don’t lose sight of yourself
So often I see people going to a job that they hate when just a few years ago they were perusing they’re dreams
And Maybe they were just pipe dreams, but they lost hope
And when you lose hope life takes a little more away from you than it should
Like it’s saying “you could of done more”
Because we’re young
I Never want to forget what that feels likes
Even if it means buying those glow in the dark stars, writing everything I want out of life on them and putting them all over my bedroom ceiling so when I lay down every night I get to lookup and see my wishes
And the beauty of stars is, when one blows up it can create new ones
A never ending source of childlike wonder fueling our decisions
Our ambitions
Sure it’s dangerous out there and we can get hurt
But what’s living without a few battle scars
So when life knocks you down, you better be jumping right back up
At least that’s what needs to happen
I’m no stranger to depression, no stranger to feeling down
I remember the days I didn’t have friends to lean on
And the only attention I got only seemed to make things worse
Things have gotten better of course, but they’ve left their mark
My little reminder that I can’t be hiding in the dark
because when you live in the dark you have a hard time finding yourself
maybe that’s why I changed so much, I’m using the stars to see. 
So maybe I don’t seem like the same me
Maybe I don’t act the same way I used to
Maybe we were once close and now it feels like a mountain separates us
With change, I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost bits of me
Lost… but not forgotten
I’ll never forget how the past felt
And I can’t change it, I have to play the hand I’m dealt
So I’m going to make the most of it
I’m going to do what makes me happy
And that’s something no one is going to take away from me
because we make our own meanings to life
and even though nothing’s set in stone I want to be one of those old dudes that never lost touch with their inner child.
Who in his heart never lost stopped following his dreams
Making everyone’s day just a little bit better
Because when other people are happy, he’s happy
I don’t know how much time I have
But I know I need to make the time count
If I… If I could just make one person… one person feel better and just help them shine bright like the stars above us, then I know it was worth it all
But hey, I can’t live for other people and I can’t make your decisions
All I can do is wish you the best of luck with everything life throws
And no matter how things go the show must go on even after we’re gone
And this is just a chapter ending, there is so much more to explore
So make the next chapter so big and bold, make it legit
Because you never know who will read it  

graduation

Graduating high school is a very surreal experience.  You only get this opportunity once and it is a very essential one.  This is a ride of passage.  This is a moment in time where a lot of people put the entering into adulthood.  Whatever you do after that moment is solely up to you.  No matter if it's into the workforce, college, or even bumming it.  You decide.  Most people in this position  are 17,18 and 19.  Fresh, youthful, and ambitious.  I dream of every growing up and ignoring the dollar sign.  Growing up and following their dreams.  I would much rather be happy and poor.  Than wealthy and miserable.  but than again that's just one guy's opinion.  I wish everyone who graduated this year the best of luck with whatever they do! :)